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A Problem Not Even A Mother Could Solve

It Broke Her Heart She Could Not Save Me

I had a problem not even a mother could solve. It broke her heart she could not save me. I could see the hurt in her eyes as we shared some time together the night before I left for rehab at Valley Hope in Cushing, OK. What she didn’t know then was that the more she tried to fix it for me the more harm she did. She would learn in the coming years that our relationship would be elevated to its highest plain through my addiction to alcohol. A problem not even a mother could solve. A problem that led me and my mother to many solutions.

Mothers Day

A wake of destruction that rivals the tornadoes of Oklahoma

Alcoholism wreaks havoc on a family. It leaves a wake of destruction that rivals the tornadoes we have here in Oklahoma. It leaves families not knowing how they can ever recover the good ole days they all once knew. The good news is that not only can the alcoholic recover but the family can as well. They all have to go through their own sort of recovery. For some it can be simple while others may need a great deal of help. The promises not only work for the addict but they also work for the family. For me and my mom our relationship has never been better. Here is how it worked for us.

Through my stay in rehab my mother also began her healing process. She participated in the family program and learned of Al Anon. She began learning the things she needed to do for herself. She became aware the best way to help save her son was to save herself. I will not say it was an easy lesson but just like in my recovery she got well a day at a time. These are the crucial yet simple steps she followed.

  • Acknowledge the issues she had and commitment to better herself. Through that process she was able to begin to heal the devastation my alcoholism had left her.
  • Creating solid boundaries. Not allowing others behaviors to compromise hers.
  • Loving herself let her love me and not enable me.
  • Creating her own program and working it one day at a time.

Mom and her kids

The more she tried to love me the more she was hurting me

Alcoholism was a path I would not have chosen. It is, however, the path that led me and my mom to a wonderful and deeper relationship. I also believe it has brought me closer to my siblings. In my alcoholism my mom only wanted to save me. To fix it for me like any great mother would. The more she tried to love me the more she was hurting me. Once she learned about this disease and her own path to recovery she then began to love me in a way that only added to my recovery. My mom has always been there. She never stopped believing in me. She is my biggest fan. Thank you Mom! I know I have not been an easy child but your love means the world to me. I am thankful we are on this road together. I could not ask for a better mother. A mother I affectionately call “Muth”.

9 Comments

  1. “…my mother also began her healing process.”

    I think one of the most amazing things about recovery, is that God works through all people to bring them to a new realization that our relationships really matter.

    One of the things I’ve found in my new business sharing church plays is how *many* people can show the love of our Creator. It happens in so many places and in so many ways!

    Appreciate reading, as always, Kip. Peace!! Dan Maurer

    • Very true Dan. Through recovery we are able to learn how to handle and have a healthy relationship. If we want to really look we can see God’s love at work in all things. Good to hear from you and hope all is well.

  2. Thanks for sharing about your Mother trying to fix you. My wife tried to fix me also.
    When she was introduced to Al Anon her life changed. I was resentful towards her program and thought of them as a Cult. Today after being sober I can now see that they were teaching her not to be an enabler. Her Journey in her program has helped others.

    • Just shows how God works in all situations. My mom’s reading last night in her Al Anon book was about acceptance. She text me and thought it fit with the blog post. Things seem to fall into place if we work at it.

      • Acceptance is the key to my Serenity. It has worked for me as well as others in whatever program they are in. Thanks again Kip.

  3. You know, my mother is an ‘enabling type.’ She’s so supportive always. I took such advantage of her kindness. It’s something I really have to look out for nowadays. I call her once a week and make sure I’m not asking her for things when I do. It’s all part of the ‘living amends’ I’m making to her and the rest of the family. To stay in touch, to be a part of things.
    What an honest post this was Kip. Such a pleasure to read how sobriety mends families. I keep you and your daughter in prayer…Mark

    • Thank you Mark. I am grateful for the things sobriety has brought us all. Even though if they are just many mundane things, right?

  4. Darin Hamm Darin Hamm

    Thanks for sharing that.

    • Doin what I can. Hope all is well up in Colorado.

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