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What If I Could

What if….. I could actually drink again and I wouldn’t face the same consequences that I faced before.

What if….. I could just tie one on with friends every now and then and my life of sobriety would not suffer.

What if…..I could go back, knowing what I know now, would things turn out entirely different.

these what if questions have crossed my mind

I will admit that at times in my almost 6 years of recovery that these what if questions have crossed my mind. It’s usually at a time that really bears no significance. In a restaurant and I see a guy at the bar having a beer and watching the game. I am behind the lady at the convenience store who is buying a 12-pack for her Friday night. Unpredictable, and these moments although not many, come out of what seems like nowhere.

In my experience with sobriety and recovery these what if questions I have learned are actually quite normal. I can’t lie, it would be fun to do “some” of the things I used to do while having a few beers now and then. But therein for me lies the big question. Could I even have a few? Or would I end up having a few too many? I, honestly, cannot answer with any remote percentage of accuracy the answer to those questions.

What if I can’t handle drinking again? What if tying one on results in a relapse leading to death? I can only imagine if things wouldn’t just be different, they would be much worse? That is such a huge gamble, one I just do not want to find out the answer too, I cannot wager the life I have today against those deathly odds.

But I do have a what if question that I know is 100 percent fool proof

What if….. I just stay sober and keep living the immense life of gratitude and faith I live today.

What if….. I just keep building healthy relationships and connections with like minded successful people around me.

What if….. I just keep moving forward only using what is behind as a reminder of how far I have come.

What if I could
All these things are added to me.

In recovery, I have learned the answer to those what if questions. If I don’t drink, if I try and continue to seek my best self, and if I just stay on the path with God that I am on then life is amazing. Whether the circumstances are or not. No matter if the days are sunny and beautiful or the days are filled with storms I am at peace and full of joy. That is a bet I am willing to make every single morning because I know the guaranteed outcome with God. God said the things that seem impossible to men, are possible with me. And, He was not lying….He never disappoints.

So when I have those “what if I could” moments and I do have them. I stop and ask myself, why trade a great life for one that may or may not be just mediocre or even death. I have learned that those moments are just my old self wanting to go back for one more blaze of glory but now my spirit is strong and I know it just isn’t about me. But, this works in other walks of life for all kinds of people. It is not just for those of us in recovery.

this one time a wrong really did make a right

What if I took just this little bit of money, no one would know, and it would really help get me over the hump? What if I could lie just this once to save my own neck for the big mistake that I made? And, what if I could cheat on my spouse, just this once, no one will ever know. Those are some questions that I am sure all of us have faced or will face at one time or another. What if this one time a wrong really did make a right?

But what would happen if you just look to God for your finances and didn’t steal, come on, let’s call it what it is. What would happen if you were just honest even though there may be consequences, you would find such a freedom in it. And what if you stay faithful to your spouse and build a strong and unshakable marriage? It just comes down to our choices and that power of choice is a great gift we have been given. We can use it to choose a life of love and peace or we can use it to follow after things that are not meant for us and that will lead us to certain destruction.

There is no what if in what God says. He says what men say is impossible I say is possible. When you choose to seek God first you remove the what if questions from your life. It doesn’t mean that they won’t sneak into your mind from time to time but you are guaranteed a choice, that if taken, will always overcome them.

you have a choice…..

So, what if….. you just choose God. I can tell you the answer to that is a life of love, peace, joy, and gratitude in every and all the circumstances your life will throw at you. Why would you not take a sure thing? Maybe, you want to maintain control, to defy the impossible odds and do it your own way. Could it be you are just afraid of surrender and change? Maybe this, maybe that, but you have a choice and God is one that never, ever fails.

So what about it….. What If…..

2 Comments

  1. Ed Shubert Ed Shubert

    What a great message and inspiration to those who read it. This is so well written.

    • Thank you Dad, we might should try and collaborate on a piece sometime. Think it would be powerful.

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