Being a “daddy” is a gift.
This week has been a week of renewal and firsts with my daughters. Spending Spring Break with my youngest for the first time in over 3 years has been as full of wonder as it has been revelation. I have also been able to engage in open and honest conversations with my oldest about life and recovery that are not only a first but a foundation. It has given me pause to become more aware of what a great gift and responsibility I hold. Doing what it takes to be a dad becomes more and more evident to me with each interaction I have with my daughters. Today, I am so grateful that I am awakening to the truth in being a daddy.
Kamdyn, my youngest, was with me for more than just a weekend. The extra time allowed us to experience “real life”. There were times that she pushed the boundaries with attitudes and behaviors and I had to correct her with sternness. Discipline was necessary. I began to see below the surface with her. Her life does not lack but it has also been one of upheaval and change. As her daddy, I must provide stability and not just every other weekend filled with hugs and laughter. It is hard for me because I always want to see her smile, especially when our time together is limited. This week I learned that fear and guilt from my past cannot impede the direction she needs as my daughter.
I do not deserve daughters but by grace I have them.
With Haley, I felt a connection was made that could begin to lay a foundation for our relationship. In the past it was her needing money, this was way more than that. I could feel her heart opening up and reaching out. She is beginning to find clarity in recovery. It is becoming more clear to her the way that she should go if she is to become stronger and stay clean and sober. But for us in recovery, seeing the way and choosing the way, is easier said then done. We were able to share our experiences, my strength, and her hope. I felt like I was actually able to fulfill a fatherly role for her and give her the direction she needed. For the first time in a long while it felt like a daughter and her daddy.
My daughters need their daddy. Their daddy needs his daughters. This is my declaration to them. Life has not always been kind to us and as your father I have not made great choices in my past. Life is not always sunshine and butterfly kisses and at times it becomes dark and overwhelming. As my daughters, you need the example of strength and discipline, so that you can navigate the storms and come through it victorious, as my princess warriors. The past is dead and buried and will only serve as a reminder and not your truth. You will be shown an example of perseverance, commitment, and faith. As your dad I have fallen and I will fall again but you will learn this one daddy’s truth. That no matter how many times we fall, we always get back up! I will be your daddy and you are my daughters.