The moment my life regained passion and purpose…..
One thing in my recovery that gets completely over shadowed but has the most power is my moment of purpose. The exact moment where I chose to live rather than to continue to drink. It was all hazy for such a long time, lost in the milestones of days, months, and years of sobriety. Yet now I have begun to realize that in that moment of purpose bore my passion. It is my moment of light that ended my self-imposed sentence of darkness.
I was driven to that chapel with the news that I had lost custody of my youngest child. It was my breaking point, my bottom. In my mind I only knew that I had to have help or I was going to end it all in the bottle. I had let alcohol steal my everything and now I was powerless to do anything about it. I hit my knees and through a torrent of tears all I could mutter was the word “HELP”!
At that moment my transformation began.
In that instance my purpose and passion sprung to new life. I felt free from the prison my life had become. A smile crept across my face in spite of the tears. My soul had begun to open its petals to the light that had been introduced into my heart. For me, I instantly felt a difference. Where there had been no hope, now there was. Where I could find no peace, suddenly it was as serene as heaven itself.
Now I am not trying to paint a picture that recovery is just all unicorns and rainbows. Recovery is tough. The road can sometimes seem treacherous and impassable. But what I want to bring out in the open is that moment when you decided to live and not die. That precious piece of time where you surrendered all you had fought so hard to do on your own. The moment where you felt full of hope, raised up in strength, and the warmth of a love that had always evaded you. Close your eyes, remember what that moment felt like. Remember the passion and purpose that overwhelmed you in that moment.
Our moment of purpose is our defense against complacency.
Recovery does get messy, just like life. We can too often lose our way in both. Life becomes busy, recovery becomes tedious, we begin to lose the passion and purpose that was unleashed in us in our own “moment”. We soon find ourselves just going through the motions, wondering why we are here, and thinking surely there is more out there for me. That is exactly when our “moment” must become our source once again. We close our eyes, travel back to that moment, and feel that source of passion and purpose. It renews us as we continue to fight one day at a time.
That moment is the light source of our transformation.
Lately I have felt like I have to force myself to do the things that have made my recovery successful today. It was becoming routine and boring. I was reminded sitting in church the other day just how important it was to remember that exact moment when your life changed. That transformational moment was my power source. Remembering that moment and how it felt brought the passion and purpose surging back into the depths of my soul.
I was reminded that I can never be separated from that power. I realized that no matter how far away I felt that my God was always right there. My focus and mindset can be shifted and distorted because of all life is and can be but my “HELP” never fails. My focus must remain on my source of strength and the purpose that I have been given. I cannot let the light inside of me dim but I must let it shine in blinding fashion from within. I must never forget when I was reborn. Never forget my source of passion and life. I must never forget my moment of purpose.